Title: Riding the Dam
Genre: MG humor, coming-of-age
The year is 1952 in San Angelo, Texas and ten-year-old Allan spends most days looking for adventure—adventures like riding down a 128 foot dam on his best friend, Raymond’s handlebars, riding on a bucking bronco, and winning the best Concho River storytelling contest.
San Angelo has its share of quirky characters like John the rodeo rider with the glass eye, Mr. Franklin who has the gift of taming wasps, and Aunt Hope who teaches Allan to catch, kill, and fry up chickens and wrangle snakes. In other words, it’s a young boy’s paradise…until Allan’s mother becomes ill and his world is changed forever.
This isn't really a logline, it's a description of the setting and a bunch of backstory. Fun, but it needs to include: the main character, the inciting incident, what is the conflict, the mc's goal, the consequences if the mc fails. This only has the character and inciting incident.
ReplyDeleteAllan thought he lived in a boy's paradise, until the day his mother became ill. He CONFLICT so he GOAL, if he fails, there will be CONSEQUENCES.
Good luck!
What Heather said. The only line here that grabbed me was the last one--his mother's illness is the inciting incident that is going to make the MC's life change. Start with that and let us know what his goal is now that he's faced with this challenge. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteDitto. You say the story is humorous, yet Allan's mother dies? It does sound like a fun town to grow up in. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI like the setting and back story you've given. Sounds like a great place to be.
ReplyDeleteIf this is humor, we need to see it in the logline. Once again, I agree with Heather. We're introduced to too many people and not to the antagonist, conflict, goal and consequences. Also, it's too long--this is over 100 words, and a log line should be less than 100 (much less).
Hope this helps. Good luck! :)