Monday, October 17, 2011

Logline #35


Twelve-year-old Justin isn’t an arsonist, but nobody is going to believe a
dragon on the run with his mate’s kidnapped egg set the fire. Justin
escapes arrest when he takes the egg back through a portal and races
across a world of flying scorpions, bloodthirsty beasts and a leviathan of
the deep. Even if Justin keeps the egg from being recaptured, he must
reach its mother in time or dragons will go extinct and he will never see
home again, not even juvenile hall.


  1. Not being familiar with your world I first assumed Justin was the mate and stole the egg. Start with Justin being accused and then move on from there.

    Try this but in your voice.
    12-yr-old Justin did not start the fire and he kidnapped the egg to save dragonkind, but only if he's fast enough to get it back to its mother on time.

    I love your ending with juvenile hall. Good luck!

  2. This sounds like it could be a fun story, but I found the first sentence pretty confusing. Is Jason the dragon, the mate, or someone else? And why will dragons going extinct keep him from ever going home again? I think that you're trying to summarize the plot too much here, rather than focusing on the main character and conflict.

  3. Did Justin escape arrest by taking the egg back or because he went through a portal? If the entire species hinges on one egg, how was it going to survive away from its mother after being kidnapped? Maybe that's a bit too much for a logline though. It sounds like fun, good luck.

  4. This sounds like a fun read!

    After reading the first line a couple of times, I got what you were telling us. I'd considering revising it, as it's confusing.

    Why is the dragon on the run? Maybe that's too much information for the logline. I also wonder if he escaped arrest because he went through the portal--who is after him? I'd like to know specifically.

    Hope this helps. Good luck! :)

  5. Thank you everybody for your insightful comments! Fortunately I have time to work on this.

  6. This sounds interesting, but I agree with the others that it is a bit confusing. For example,
    "with his mate’s kidnapped egg set the fire". Did his mate kidnap (I'd use steal, because... well, I haven't exactly heard of "kidnapping an egg", but that's just me!) the egg, or did he kidnap it? And the he is Justin, or the dragon? Can you tell I'm confused?

    Interesting premise, though. I did get your overall idea. Good luck! :)

  7. I did think Justin was the dragon from your first sentence. Ending with juvenile hall packs a punch.

    I want to know why Justin is protecting the egg. What's in it for him past his initial escape from arrest? Why must he go on this journey? Why does he care about the dragons?

    Having said all of that, this book sounds like a fun and super adventurous read. Good luck!