Title: Saving Andromeda
Genre: YA mystery
Eighteen year-old Emma hunts for the truth behind her birth mother’s murder confession. A famous bio-dad, simmering family feuds and a hostile crew of new relatives trip up her investigation, which kicks into high gear when Emma realizes Andromeda gave a false confession. Her hunt to discover who Andromeda was really protecting leads to a killer determined to let the truth die with Emma.
This sounds very interesting. What does bio-dad mean? The second sentence is a little long. Try to break it down into 2 sentences. I had to re-read to discover that Andromeda is Emma's mom. I think this is a mystery worth solving. :) Good luck!ReplyDelete
No mysteries in the logline! Who is Andromeda? Stick with titles when you can except for the mc.ReplyDelete
bio-dad tripped me up - suggest use "biological father"
This can use some simplification to make easier to understand - ex:
Eighteen-year-old Emma's birth mother has confessed to murder, but its a lie. Emma must (real tangible goal) before her family helps the real murderer takes her out.
My effort was crummy - I'm sure you can do better.
Eighteen year-old Emma hunts for the truth behind her birth mother’s murder confession. A famous biological father, simmering family feuds and a hostile crew of new relatives trip up her investigation. The discovery of her mother's false confession leads to a killer determined to let the truth die with Emma.
My only comment is for the second line. Emma should be driving the action, so I suggest you reword along the lines of: Emma struggles to overcome...
Good job with the revision within a revision here!ReplyDelete
With the title "birth mother", it leads me to believe her mother abandoned her or she has a step-mom/other mother-type figure in her life now and her real mom was out of the picture. Is that correct? If not, you may want to drop the word "birth".
Hope this helps! Good luck. :)
I also got confused with the birth mother's name. You called her biological father, dad. Does this mean she is close to him? Raised by him? Who are the new relatives? I'm confused. I like the idea of a famous father and the mystery regarding her birth mother. But, I'm not sure who raised her? There seems to be a piece missing. Hope this helps!ReplyDelete