Monday, October 17, 2011

Logline #41

Title:  A Flick of the Switch
Genre:  Adult Fiction

When the hospital suddenly settles a controversial case and removes life support systems for a viable baby, Emily, a nurse recovering from the death of her own preemie, flicks the switches back on. Relying on lessons learned from her unscrupulous estranged husband, Emily must lie, steal and manipulate to keep the baby hidden until he can breath on his own, all the while risking her own dreams of becoming a doctor.


  1. This is another logline I chose to critique just because I like your title. : )

    I like your premise. Sounds like I'm going to cry a good bit. That's healthy.

    I would axe "suddenly" in the first sentence. Also, get rid of "unscrupulous" because you're about to tell us exactly that in a second with the whole lying and stealing thing. "Breath" should be "breathe".

    Other than that, I like it! Good luck to you.

  2. Alisha has great suggestions above. In addition I'd suggest adding "the" or "all" to "life support systems" to make for a cleaner read. I also prefer "premature baby" over "preemie" as it has a more dramatic connotation for me.

    Another idea to play with: "Recovering from the death of her premature baby, nurse Emily flicks the switches back on when the hospital controversially removes the life support systems for a viable baby." (I was trying to to move "flicks the switches back on" and "life support systems" closer together because it took me a second read to understand what you meant by "flicks the switches back on.")

    All in all a very strong logline for what sounds like a super compelling read. Nice work!

  3. Where are the parents? If they think their baby is dead, they'll expect a body to bury. You should also mention who ordered the plug to be pulled. So we know who she's up against.

  4. I'm wondering about how the baby managed to slip through the gaps as well, but I guess that's a reason to read the story. I had trouble with calling the baby 'viable' when he's on life support. It sounds clinical when the logline otherwise appeals to emotions. It sounds like a great story, good luck.

  5. I question the whereabouts of the parents wanting to bury their precious baby. Maybe the hospital is running tests for the cause of death, giving the nurse more time. Compelling story, and if she saves the baby, then what? Good luck!

  6. I do like the title...

    But this phrase sticks out to me: "recovering from the death of her own preemie"

    I'm not sure how or if a mother would ever recover from that. When I hear "recovering" I think of either medical illness, injury, or addiction, but not grief. I'd pick a different word there.

    I'm going to disagree with the questions above about the parents, provided that they're not your MCs. Since this is a logline, I'm only expecting to hear about your MC. But if this were a longer query, I would question where "viable baby"'s parents are. (I agree with Tori about questioning whether a 'viable' infant would be on life support.

    Definitely intriguing and suspenseful!

  7. This sounds like a heartbreakingly tragic story. I'd love to read more to see where it goes!

    With that said, I believe you should reword "recovering" to "grieving". As someone who knows someone who went through a preemie loss, DC is right, you don't recover from that.

    I like what Alisha and Kathryn suggested. I don't think in the logline you need to put the parents, but allude to them possibly.

    All in all, very interesting!

    Hope this helps. Good luck! :)