Monday, October 17, 2011

Logline #20

Title: Into Nevermore
Genre: MG Fantasy Adventure

On Firma, Earth’s unusual sister-planet, Felix witnesses his puckish mentor being dragged into the Nevermore Woods by cloaked figures. Everyone thinks the kidnapping is a prank, but Felix knows better and must brave the forest and its sinister creatures in order to save him.


  1. Good job revising this! The only hitch for me is the phrase "Earth's unusual sister-planet." We don't know why it's unusual, so mentioning that only raises a question that's not answered. I think the sentence reads fine without it.

  2. I agree~ you did a great job of revising. I didn't notice any problem with "Earth's unusual sister-planet" until I read the above comment. Then it caught my eye, but it didn't stop me at all reading it for the first time. Best of luck with this!

  3. Awesome, thank you! I want the reader to know it doesn't take place on Earth. :-/


  4. Great job revising--I think that this is much clearer than the original.

  5. I want to know more, so I would read this for sure.

    I'd consider dropping "unusual". As Tarak said, it raises a question without an answer. I think you did a great job!

    Hope this helps. Good luck! :)