Monday, October 17, 2011

Logline #4

Title: Cloaked In Fur
Genre: Urban Fantasy


With Daciana’s boyfriend abducted by the wulfkin alpha because he is convinced she wants his position, chances are her human lover won’t be alive much longer. To make matters worse, her transformation ceremony is less than five days away and promises to make her human forever. Daciana will do whatever it takes to save her man before the ritual, even if it means revealing her true wolf nature to a human and outing herself from the pack family.


  1. I think this is definitely improved. I'm not sure about the middle sentence, however. I think the stakes seem higher when you focus on her saving her boyfriend, even if it means outing herself. The sentence about the ceremony distracts a bit from that. Stick with the first and third sentence (omitting "before the ritual") and it's punchier, I believe.

  2. I get a straight sense of conflict right out of the gate, which is good. I like that. Is her goal only to save her human boyfriend, or is there something about the transformation ceremony that holds a conflict/goal too?

    I hope this helps. Good luck! :)

  3. This is much improved. But I'm having a problem with the first sentence. I'm confused by the boyfriend and human lover and who abducted who. I like the second sentence, but you could lose the "to make matters worse" part, it's unnecessary. Shuffle some things around and play around with it. It's getting there. Good luck!