TITLE: Supernatural Freak
GENRE: urban fantasy
http://misssnarksfirstvictim.blogspot.com/2011/10/logline-critique-round-3-12.html
In contemporary London, 25 year old paranormal consultant Robyn Wise joins
forces with the ancient spirit living inside her to fight the Dark Cloud,
a malevolent entity determined to absorb Fairyland's power. If Robyn
fails, all good magic will be eradicated from Earth, and our planet will
turn into a hopeless desert where mercy is dead.
I like this!
ReplyDeleteMy only comment would be to consider removing "In contemporary London". Unless it's an important factor of the story that must be known in the logline, I don't think the place is needed.
Hope this helps! Good luck. :)
I like your revisions. I think it's safe to remove London because you mention she's a paranormal consultant and you talk about the planet Earth.
ReplyDeletethanks for the feedback so far: on Absolutewrite
ReplyDeletepeople kept asking me when the story took place (you never know with fantasy, it could be an historic one/steampunk etc), so I decided to keep it. Changed it into modern-day LOndon, though. Can't wait for the winners of the Baker's Dozen to be announced! let's cross our fingers ...
I agree - you don't need "contemporary London" in the logline. Sounds like a great read. Good luck!
ReplyDelete