Monday, October 17, 2011

Logline #40

GENRE: Contemporary YA

After her pregnancy is leaked to the press, sixteen-year-old actress Kendall Luxmi Lawson’s squeaky clean image takes a beating and she’s fired from her hit TV show. If she doesn’t figure out a way to revive her dead acting career, she’ll wind up with no fame, no money, and, in her opinion, no life.


  1. This is great! You might consider just using one name for your mc - I stumbled over all three. The only thing I wonder is if keeping the baby is on the table, or if she plans to revive her career before/after the birth.

  2. Very good. Concise and clear. I would like a further mention of the baby somehow. Is she ignoring it? Does she have an abortion? Can you give me a little bit more?

    Nice work. Good luck to you!

  3. Really good job - very clear what the stakes are for the MC. I did wonder, as others posted, what happens to the baby and how that figures into her conflict.

  4. I agree with everyone else that this is really strong overall, that there are one or two too many names, and that I'd like a hint in the second sentence about the baby's fate. Good luck!

  5. Everyone else nailed what I was thinking? What about the baby?! And "Kendall" is enough for the MC's name. Other than that, I'm searching for the tone of your story. It's reading a little gray as far as if you're doing a light/humorous take on the subject matter, or if it's going to be dark and very dramatic. I'd work throw in more voice that sets the tone of your story. I think middle name "Luxmi" gives the logline a lighter tone.

    This has the promise of a very interesting read! Nice work!

  6. The ending troubles me - if she doesn't get her job back, then she has no life, in her opinion? What about the baby? What kind of mother is she? I need to know more about the baby and her situation, otherwise, I don't care if she get's her job back. What message is this for kids? Maybe she's willing to throw it all away for the life she never had. I don't know the whole story, so I could be off base.

  7. I agree with the others. While this is concise, using just one name is enough, and what about the baby? Also, instead of "in her opinion" (because that makes it, I think, sound like it's just her and you don't really agree with it) I'd use "really" (but a better word.) Great job, though. Good luck! :)

  8. Ooh, sounds like an interesting story!

    This logline is very strong, but I do have some comments.

    We need to know about the baby and what part of the story that's going to play. I'm also left wondering the same things as the others who commented. And how sad to think a teenaged actress would consider her life over without a job when she has a baby on the way, but I do understand that this is how most teens in Hollywood may think. However, it makes me lose any compassion for her ordeal and wonder if this character is completely shallow (and it may make parents of YA readers say "pass"). I'm sure she has more depth, so we need to see that. Consider rewording as Julianna mentioned.

    Just call her Kendall in the logline, that's plenty (and a very pretty name at that).

    Hope this helps. Great job and Good luck! :)