Title: BUTTERFLY GIRL
Genre: Upper middle grade
#34 of round 3
Abandoned on her grandfather’s farm, twelve year old Madison stumbles on a spell in her ancestor’s journal, awakens magic hidden in her genes…and sprouts wings! When Madison’s story goes viral, her long-absent mother shows up with superstar plans for her Butterfly Girl. Madison will have to decide if a glamorous life with the mother she dreamed of is worth moving away from the friends who stood by her – and from Grandpa, who loved her before the whole world knew her name.
This sounds like a fun story!
ReplyDeleteI'd consider changing the word "superstar" for something else, like "big" or "elaborate".
Also, is the only conflict her decision between Grandpa or her mom? If it's not, we need to see that as well.
Good job!
I hope this helps! Good luck. :)
Actually, I like "superstar plans"--sure, it's not usually used as an adjective, but it's a quick way of letting us know exactly what the mom's agenda is for Madison. It worked OK for me.
ReplyDeleteI think that this is definitely improved over the first draft--it's more specific in all the right places. Good luck!
This looks like huge fun. I'd read it.
ReplyDeleteLove it! Nice job with the improvements!
ReplyDeleteGreat job with improvements. Sounds like a great story! Good luck!
ReplyDelete