Tuesday, December 30, 2014

2015, I'm Ready...

Here we are again, the precipice of another new year. And though last year I laid out a series of resolutions by quarters, I find myself in a different place this time around. I'm embarking on one of the biggest, scariest parts of this journey--querying. I've come so far, and have learned so much more about what it's about than I had ever dreamed I would. I must repeat that I am not the girl who started this blog--she's just a glimmer in the rearview at this point. But I'll never forget her, all doe-eyed and na├»ve to the process. It's her optimism that brought me here and has pushed me to continue, even in my darkest of hours. Hours that I swore would never end...  But it's also been you, my supporters. So before I continue, I want to share a pair of emails I got at this time last year from a writing friend who frequented my critique rounds and has been a wonderful supporter of my goals. I apologize for it taking so long to share his precious words; I wanted to wait for the perfect time to share them, as I have carried them with me this past year like a small security blanket, almost selfishly.

 The first:

"Dear K.T. Crowley,
I read your email this morning and it really touched my heart, as you so often do. I don’t know what your personal resolutions are, or what it is that you believe you need to change about yourself. But let me tell you this, I’m in awe of how you unselfishly render your inner-most feelings to people you’ve never met, sharing your warmth and passion with strangers on screens you barely know. Spellbinding all in your magic with each sentence that’s been read, each paragraph concluded, subtly touching our souls and somehow transforming us into kindling spirits; forming bonds that will make us strangers no longer. Your blogs are moving, warm, and so very human. You write from your heart with a passion and warmth unattainable to most. I thank you for all that you’ve done; your inspiration, your tireless effort, and your un-bias dreams of success for all. My resolution to you… is not to change a single thing about yourself. Not a single thing. Thank you, K. T. Crowley… thank you.
Most sincerely,
Dominic Dinere"

And the response to my email expressing gratitude:

"You are such a special young lady and I honestly meant everything I said. You’re more than welcome to share it if you’d like. I wrote it to you to thank you for everything you’ve done and all that you’ve given. Because I know how tough sometimes it is just to keep going, to keep pushing -- but you have. And you’ve also helped others to keep pushing, to grasp for the stars, reach to the heavens. Believe that one day, someway, dreams will be realized. You have a wonderful gift, and though I will miss your magnanimous presence, which even shines through in cyber-space. I’m a true believer that there’s a reason for everything, even bad years. I know it’s hard, especially with a heart as giving as yours, to step back. But if that’s what it took for you to dedicate more time to your writing, then perhaps it wasn’t such a bad year after all.
The best to you always my dearest friend, I will be an admirer forever. 
Most sincerely,
Dominic Dinere"

Dominic, thank you so much again. I wish I could put into such eloquent words as yours what you said has meant to me. Your messages have carried through this year in my heart, and I'll carry them with me always. I will forever appreciate it and you. It's all of you who've supported me that are amazing. I'm blessed to have a place, whether it tiny or large, in your journeys. One of the most incredible parts of the writing community are all the geniune, awesome people I've met. We're a special group of people, us writers, incomparable and unique. It's a darn cool group to be in.

So what are my resolutions for 2015? I don't have any. Honestly. Sure, I want to exercise more, read more, do more, but what I really want is to continue following my dreams and living life to the best of my abilities. Hugging my babies and absorbing every amazing thing they do into my heart. Writing with the gusto that I always have, not worrying that I may fall out of the PC column. I want to spend more time with the people who matter, my husband and boys especially, and make sure they know exactly how much they mean to me. I want to be there for the people who want me there. What 2014 has taught me, once again, is that life is much too short. That each moment should be cherished, and that regrets take up too much space in time that could be spent living instead of thinking about living. That the people who talk the talk but don't walk the walk have no place in my realm--or in my heart, regardless of relation. That those who need to change for the better are not my responsibility, as I have enough to worry about. And that the people who left a void in my soul by leaving much too soon have taught me to appreciate all that I've listed before. I've lost a lot, sure, but in perspective, I've gained A TON. Because taking anything or anyone for granted is just a waste. Trust me, I've learned that the hard way. Despite all my personal hills and valleys, I've realized just how blessed I am in comparison to many.

As you may remember, I took some time off from the blog and from offering critique rounds to focus on my own writing and myself. It was one of the best decisions I've made, and now I am starting 2015 where I've long hoped to be. Which means, soon enough, I can get back to offering critique rounds to all of you. I miss them and all of your amazing work, the collaboration and support given to one another. 

What are your goals and resolutions for 2015? I'd love to hear them and support you in keeping them! Post them in the comments or shoot me an email or a tweet. And I'll keep you all apprised of my adventures and progress, because that's one of the best parts of this. :)

Happy New Year, my loves. I hope you find what you're looking for and that all your wishes come true. We are the key holders of our destiny, after all; we're capable of anything we set our minds to. We just have to believe and refuse give up. <3

P.S., this is also the year of the mustache, cause, yanno, they're all sorts of fabulous. If you've got one, post your pic!