Monday, October 17, 2011

Logline #32

TITLE: Simon's Oath

Two orphaned brothers are hired to rehabilitate the feral daughter of a brothel owner. If Simon and Hector can transform the screaming, biting shut-in into a normal girl, they will be safe, fed and clothed until they reach adulthood. It they fail, they will be sold back into indentured slavery dredging silt from the local river where a single slip could mean their deaths.


  1. I like this because it sounds original. Different. I don't understand why in the world two orphans would be hired to do such a job but I'm willing to read more to find out.'ve done your job here.

    Good luck!

  2. Ooh, I like this. It just screams potential for conflict. The only thing I wonder is why the brothel owner wants his daughter rehabilitated since I suppose he let it happen (or maybe not).

  3. This makes me want to read more!

    My only comment is the use of "shut in into" in the second line. The back-to-back use of "in" made me stumble and have to re-read.

    I think you've done a great job!

    Hope this helps. Good luck! :)

  4. Thanks for your comments! I really appreciate the help as I've never written a logline before :)