Saturday, October 27, 2012

BD One Last Chance Logline #5

TITLE: Pandorious
GENRE: MG Fantasy/Adventure

When lonely twelve-year-old Haven Hitchcock opens an enchanted book, she releases a curse that gives her the ability to bring inanimate objects to life. Haven’s new magic rocks, but her spells spin out of control when she awakens a field of pumpkins whose mischief quickly turns to mayhem. She’ll have to reach out to her not so horrible classmates for help, or the menacing gourds will turn everyone into pumpkinheads – forever.

4 comments:

  1. Good work. This logline made me want to read this story. Like the sense of conflict.

    Two criticisms:
    a)I tripped up on not-so-horrible classmates; what does this mean?

    b) this story may not be able to stand alone as a book eg. readers have been spoiled by multi-plotlines in Harry Potter, Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, even Enid Blighton's Under the Faraway Tree. In other words, you might have to "flesh" out (excuse the pun) this pumpkin tale a bit more.

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  2. Just a few suggested edits to tighten this up. Love this concept by the way.

    When lonely twelve-year-old Haven Hitchcock opens an enchanted book, she releases a curse that gives her the ability to bring inanimate objects to life, and when one of her spells spin out of control and awakens a field of mischievous pumpkins, she’ll have to reach out to her not so horrible classmates for help, or the menacing gourds will turn everyone into pumpkinheads – forever."

    Just my opinion. Good luck!

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  3. This sounds like a fun read! I love the images this logline creates. My only criticism is "magic rocks." I had to read it twice, thinking you were using "rocks" as a noun.

    Good luck!

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  4. I like Authoress's version, but I would probably split it into 2 sentences: "...bring inanimate objects to life. When one of her spells..." Good luck.

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