TITLE: Endlessly Summer
GENRE: Women's Fiction
When Kira, a lawyer, unexpectedly loses her husband in a mysterious accident, she uncovers his steamy past. As her carefully constructed world falls apart, she realizes if she doesn’t break free from the confines of the boardroom and claim her freedom on a surfboard, she’ll soon forget how to live and love after loss.
This version is much better. It really gives us the character and the conflict. I wonder if you need to give us her name at all, maybe: "When a (adjective) attorney unexpectedly loses her husband..."ReplyDelete
Also, the word "mysterious" accident makes me wonder if part of the plot is figuring out this mystery. If not, I'd cut the word or replace it with something like "unfortunate."
I think this is a pretty good logline overall. I think you could actually trim this a lot shorter. I agree about cutting the word "mysterious." Does it really matter, and like Kelsey, I wondered if that's what the story was going to be about, which threw me off track a tad. Here's how I would rewrite this to tighten it up (the parts I took out I think simply aren't necesary):ReplyDelete
When Kira, a lawyer, unexpectedly loses her husband in an [*maybe what type of accident? Car accident?] accident, she realizes if she doesn’t break free from the confines of the boardroom and claim her freedom[*I wouldn't use the word "free" twice] on a surfboard, she’ll forget how to live and love after loss.
Much better. I have a very clear idea about what this book is about. I agree with the comments above. Also "carefully constructed world" should be "carefully-constructed world" in this context.ReplyDelete
To fix the problem of the two "frees", try "...if she doesn't ditch the boardroom for the freedom of a surfboard..."
or something like that. good luck :)
I agree: Much better than the original! I'm with the others on cutting "mysterious" unless solving this mystery is a major part of Kira's journey. The only thing I don't understand: Does it have to be surfing? Does her husband's accident have something to do with water/ocean etc and she has to overcome her fears? Or could she find her freedom while rock-climbing, diving or whatever and choses surfing out of preference?ReplyDelete
I love the premise and would certainly read this. Good luck!
I think you need to more specific about the accident if it's important. Mysterious is too vague. Otherwise, sounds like a great premise. Good luck with the auction. :)ReplyDelete