Saturday, October 27, 2012

BD One Last Chance Logline #53

Round 3 Original Post #12

Title: Forbidden Love
Genre: Paranormal Romance

A vampire princess, awaiting her arranged betrothal, has a one-night stand with an enigmatic stranger leading her to choose between duty and love, but when she discovers this encounter unexpectedly bonds them together it alters her future forever.


  1. I like this and would want to read more which is the point of a logline. I hope to see your first 250 in the auction.

    Violet - entry 29

  2. I think you've hit on all the points necessary in a logline. Great job! My only suggestion would be to break it into two sentences for better flow. I'd put a period after love.

    Good luck.

  3. I think you hit on all the major points, but you could probably chop it up into a couple separate sentences to help emphasize the individual points. Right now it's a lot to get through in one sentence.

  4. I'd break it up into more than one sentence. Also, I would be more specific about the stakes, as the stakes are very generic ("alters her future forever."). How? Give me details that make your story unforgettable so I'll know how it's different from other stories where the heroine's choice "alters her future forever!" You have 75 words to work with in this contest and so I would use them up :) Good luck!

  5. I don't think you need the commas around 'awaiting her betrothal.' I'd also suggest changing 'leading' to 'forced,' maybe something like this: "When a vampire princess awaiting her betrothal has a one-night stand with an enigmatic stranger, she is forced to choose between duty and love, and her decision will . . ." and then end with some really wicked stakes.