Saturday, October 27, 2012

BD One Last Chance Logline #56

GENRE: YA contemporary

Seventeen-year-old Charlie escapes a summer of trying to get her crush to realize all her songs are about him when her all-girl band the Wretched Gretchens goes on tour. But wild shows and parties also isolate Charlie from her bandmates. As they play the West Coast, Charlie struggles with what binds the Gretchens beyond catchy hand-clap choruses — and what happens when they get home.


  1. Right on! A story about love, music, travel, adventure and 'coming home'. I like what I've read thus far. I love the name Charlie for a girl, and the band name is great! This story seems like it has the potential be layered and fun. Nice!

  2. I love your ideas. You might want to play around with the structure of your logline though and make it a little bit more dramatic. Try something like this maybe:

    When her all-girl band the Wretched Gretchens goes on tour, seventeen-year-old Charlie is freed from obsessing over getting her crush to realize he is the subject of all of her songs. But wild shows and parties isolate Charlie from her bandmates, and Charlie struggles with what it is that binds the Gretchens beyond catchy hand-clap choruses –and what’ll happen when they get home.

    Putting the part about the band at the beginning will help it feel less formulaic, and I think you can eliminate the part about the West Coast. Great work!

  3. I actually like the first line of the logline, because it implies Charlie's innocence, which clearly is something that poses difficulties to her as the Wretched Gretchens (GREAT NAME!) party. I really like the tone of the writing here. I don't think you need the word "also" in the second sentence. I also don't need to know that they play the West coast-maybe if they just toured, that would be sufficient. But I'm new to loglines. Maybe the place is important to the story.

  4. I LOVE the premise of your book! I think the logline itself needs a little tightening--easier said than done, I know, as someone who also has multiple conflicts in their manuscript. so hard to fit into 75 words! I think Candyce above has some nice tweaks. I think focusing on the issues/conflict within the band really sets this apart from a typical teen romance.

  5. I am starting my own girl band just so I can use that name!

    The story sounds fun! I also prefer Candyce's version, but I wonder if you could simplify it even more...

    Seventeen-year-old Charlie heads out on a summer tour with her all-girl band, The Wretched Gretchens, hoping the distraction will get her over an unrequited crush. The wild shows and parties keep her busy but also isolate her from her fellow band-members, and Charlie struggles to realize what is important in her life, before she loses everything.

    Nope, not any better! Go with Candyce's version or something close to it! Good luck!

  6. I very much like the premise of this story but wonder if the last line "...--and what happens when they get home" is too abrupt. Is there a transition phrase or anything else you could say to let us know specifically what Charlie is worrying about when she and her bandmates come back from their tour?

  7. This sounds like such a great story! I agree that Candyce's idea grabs me a bit more, but either way it piques my interest. Good luck!

  8. Thank you all so much!! This was my first stab at a log line, and Candyce, I like your rewrite a lot. I'll work on tweaking that one.

    Thanks again :)

  9. I think this book sounds like a blast but the logline isn't focusing on the main conflict of the book. What does your protagonist need to do/change over the course of our time with her? I think it's buried somewhere in the line about what binds the Gretchens together, but it's not clear. That's the plot your logline needs to convey. Good luck--this sounds very fresh and fun!