GENRE: MG Fantasy
GENRE: MG Fantasy
It’s hard enough for Violet to be a middle child, let alone a middle princess trying to muddle through her terrible teens, especially when her bossy elder sister declares her intention to be King (not Queen), while her “fairest of them all” younger sister has a little fire-breathing problem, courtesy of a fairy christening gone awry. When the constantly upstaged Princess Violet overhears some indiscreet fairy godmothers discussing how middle princesses tend to fade out of the story, she embarks on a quest to determine her own fate before she disappears completely.
Sounds humorous. Can you make the first sentence into two sentences?ReplyDelete
While I fear this logline might be a little long, I love the premise. This sounds quirky and funny. I love the middle child angle with princesses, and I'm sure middle children all over would love to root for this girl. Nicely done!ReplyDelete
There's some good sgtuff in here but I agree with the previous comments. I love the idea of middle princesses disappearing. I feel like in your logline I want to hear more about that--since she's the main character. Consider giving only one sentence with quick tidbits about the other two sisters since they're sources of conflict, but highlight the main conflict and your main character primarily.ReplyDelete
Fun voice. I'd just suggest to trim down the first sentence. It runs a little long.ReplyDelete
Sounds like a fun story. But I feel that your logline reads more like a query. I would shorten it so a reader can feel the punch and want to learn more....ReplyDelete
"Violet, already a struggling middle child now must contend with her bossy elder sister's intention to be King and her younger sister's fire breathing problem. But when the constantly upstaged Princess Violet overhears some indiscreet Fairy Godmothers discussing how middle princesses fade out of the story, she embarks on a quest to determine her own fate before disappearing completely."
As a middle child of three girls, let me just say OH, YEAH! In your FACE, sisters! Middle girls ROCK!!!ReplyDelete
Ahem. Now to business. Anonymous did a wonderful version and I suggest you work with that. I'd tweak hers a bit more by just a couple things in the first sentence:
(Age)-year-old Princess Violet, a struggling middle child, must contend with her bossy elder sister's intention to be King and her beautiful younger sister with the fire-breathing problem.
Published yet? Can I read it now?:)ReplyDelete
Thank you so much everyone for your very helpful advice! I'm going to keep working on refining the logline to make it more streamlined and to the point. DJ, thanks for your kind words, I'm a middle sister too (if that wasn't obvious). The manuscript is not finished yet, but I'm shooting for the end of the year. :)ReplyDelete