TITLE: CALIFORNIA R.I.P.
GENRE: YA Contemporary
When her parents' divorce uproots Huntington Beach native Dani to the ski town of Sun Valley, Idaho, she isn't psyched to trade in her surfboard for a snowboard. Then she meets Cash, who is determined to make her fall in love with the sport--and maybe him, too.
I feel like we need a little more. Like what's at stake for Dani?
ReplyDeleteI would probably agree with Emily. Tell us a little something more about what's going on. Or at the very least, let your protaganist's voice shine through more strongly.
ReplyDeleteI agree, although this sounds like it could be a nice love story, I want to know a little bit more about it before I want to read the manuscript. Although, being an Idaho girl myself I like the idea of it being in Sun Valley. Just add a little more detail and I think this would be great! Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI like this. For me personally, I think it gives enough info. I lean toward short and concise loglines and feel you've hit what needs to be said, especially for a contemporary.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I do like that it is short and concise, but I feel like it dwells too much on the backstory and not enough on the main conflict of your story. But I do love the whole trading in the surfboard for a snowboard! Great premise for a contemporary.
ReplyDeleteI like this one. It's short, clear, and sounds like a sweet story. :) That said, it might be more "back of the book" than logline, because as others have mentioned, it doesn't seem to list any stakes.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others on needing a bit more of the story--tell us about the conflict! Otherwise, this sounds like it could be adorable. :)
ReplyDeleteSimple and sweet. I like it. There's just enough information for my tastes.
ReplyDeleteI love this logline. I think it's sweet and concise.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds very cute, but I want more of an idea of Dani's movitations (like others have said!).
ReplyDelete(from Author)
ReplyDeleteThanks all so much for your very helpful feedback! This is the first time I am posting a logline, and some of your comments have made me realize that I am missing a key part of the story here. All of the positive comments are much appreciated, too--thx for the support!