Saturday, October 27, 2012

BD One Last Chance Logline #27

Round 3 Original Post #22

TITLE: Waterstone
GENRE: Literary Historical Fiction
All her life, Mattie Calhoun has yearned for Pa’s gift—the ability to dowse water. His death, in Spring of 1900, followed by the arrival of Hill Bell seeking a dowser for his family’s hotel, sparks her determination: she’ll imitate Pa’s every move, then, take his place. Her failure costs her freedom when she must go to work as a servant, ironically leading to a journey of self-discovery and renewal in Atlanta, the Phoenix City.


  1. "When Mattie Calhoun tries and fails to take her dead father's place as a water dowser she loses her freedom and must work as a servant in Atlanta Georgia. With any luck, maybe she'll learn a few things about herself along the way."

    It's a little rough but I think it eliminates unnecessary details. This is good stuff. Good luck!

  2. I love stories where women try to take the place of men for the first time and your story seems to be one of them. I don't think I can improve upon Authoress' version, but I must say I had to look up what a water douser was. Is it a common term and I'm just ignorant about it? If it isn't, perhaps adding a bit of explanation would help potential readers like me. Best of luck!

  3. Sorry Authoress, but I think you cut too many details.

    In particular, I love the opening sentence as a hook. I think you can omit the detail of the year of Pa's death, and the arrival of Hill Bell, however, and just give us something like "Pa's death sparks her determination, and she resolves to take his place." I also think you don't need to tell us that it's ironic. That last line, for me, would be "Her failure ultimately costs her freedom, leading to a journey of self-discovery and renewal in Atlanta, Georgia." (if you feel like you need the Phoenix reference in order to pay off the renewal theme, I can get behind that, but I don't find it necessary for this particular purpose...)

    Regardless, it sounds like a great story. Best of luck!

    1. Thanks, everyone. So maybe after a year of trying to figure out loglines, I'm on the right track!

      FYI: Re. "Phoenix City--that's an epithet for Atlanta. (Sherman, etc., since this is an historical novel.)