TITLE: Jane, Body and Soul
GENRE: YA Light Sci Fi
When his first love is killed in a prom night car accident, Daniel, a teen science geek, stuns the world by using his knowledge of radical new medical research to bring her back from the dead. But now Jane’s body is failing, her condition defies scientific explanation, and she’s more interested in her “near-death experiences” than in recovering her health. Daniel must find a way to save her—or watch her suffer and die again.
This one is mine. I'd love to get feedback on the shortened version below also. Thanks!ReplyDelete
When his first love is killed in a prom night accident, teen genius Daniel stuns the world by using radical new research to bring her back to life. Now Jane’s body is failing, doctors’ efforts prove futile, and she’s more interested in her “near-death experiences” than in recovering. Daniel must find a way to save Jane or watch her die again.
This pulled me in! It reminds me of Pet Sematary by Stephen King and some kind medical thriller. I am curious if Daniel will find a way to save her or realize, in the end, that it wasn't the right thing to do to bring her back (you don't have this as a possibility in the last sentence, but this is where my mind goes). This makes me really curious, and I would definitely check out the book.ReplyDelete
As for the 2 loglines, I like the shorter version better. Good luck with this!
I definitely like the shorter version better. I wonder if you can just lose: "using radical new research" since it doesn't really tell us much. So the opening line would now read: "When his first love is killed in a prom night accident, teen genius Daniel stuns the world by bringing her back to life." For me, that's a hell of a hook. Also, consider editing the second line to "doctors efforts are proving futile".ReplyDelete
I agree that the shorter version is better, and I like RedCard10's suggestions. This story sounds awesome!ReplyDelete
Thanks so much for the encouragement and the suggestions!ReplyDelete
I thought that the "using radical new research" line was important to include because otherwise readers might believe that the girl was brought back by paranormal means (vampire, voodoo zombie, etc.) Opinions on this??
I also understand the suggested edit to "doctors efforts are proving futile," but I don't like the way "are proving" sounds. What about just "doctors efforts are futile"?? Any other opinions/ideas on this?
All comments appreciated!