Title: BECOMING JINN
Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
Wishing doesn’t make it so — Azra does. Turning sixteen opens the door to Azra’s Jinn ancestry. But when she skirts the rules, she is forced to choose between the safety of her family and the boy she loves. See, when genies are involved, there’s always a trick.
The barking dog ruins my plan. My plan to skip today by sleeping through it.
I search the foot of my bed for my comforter and burrow under the soft down, grateful for its instant warmth. My body craves heat. In all the ways I take after my mother, an intolerance for cold is the one that bothers me the least.
I will myself to fall back to sleep. Even if I can’t sleep, I can still choose to skip today. The day doesn’t have to begin. All I have to do is stay in bed. All I have to do is not open my eyes. All I have to do is pretend. Fortunately, being skilled in pretending is another way in which I take after my mother.
The barking stops. I turn toward the open window and breathe in the lilacs blooming on the bush in our backyard. Along with the sweet fragrance comes the pollen.
I sneeze. I cough. I open my eyes. And the day begins. My birthday begins.
I drink from the water glass on my nightstand until my throat is no longer dry. Clank! The noise as I settle the glass back down startles me. This is when I notice the silver bangle clamped around my wrist. And I thought I was the one in control of starting my day. I never had control. The bracelet assures that I never will.
This is how my life changes. While I am unconscious.
Though my Jinn ancestry means magic has always been inside me, the rules don’t allow me to begin drawing upon it until the day I turn sixteen. The day I receive my silver bangle. The day I officially become a genie. Today.
I like this! I was a little confused from just reading your logline- I wasn't familiar with Jinn and I felt like the writing could be tightened.ReplyDelete
Your first 250 words though really drew me in. I love the premise too. A genie. totally cool.
I like this too! I would definitely keep reading. One silly observation is that if she has an intolerance for cold…why have the window open all night? However, I like how the sneeze triggers the day… I also think you are on to something here with genies! It’s a great way to bring magic back to the crowds who crave it. Good luck!ReplyDelete
The beginning of your logline confused me a little. I think you could lose that first sentence since anyone unfamiliar with your book doesn't know what it means or who Azra is.ReplyDelete
Your writing is strong, although I thought the first few paragraphs were a little slow with her laying in bed not wanting to wake up. You hooked me once she saw the silver bangle on her wrist.
Yeah, genies! Vampires, werewolves and angels are so overdone.ReplyDelete
"Azra" in the logline confused me too. I thought you were talking about a god named Azra. Maybe something closer to: "Wishes never bring happiness. Especially from my end. I'm a genie. Or, I will be. Maybe."
I liked the use of multiple senses. Everyone can relate to wanting to stay in bed.
Once the bangle showed up, I was hooked.
Keep at it!
Really love the premise of your story! In your logline, I think it's reading the words, "Azra does" so close after the title "Becoming Jinn" is what got me thinking they were two different people, until I read the very next line. :) Maybe if you include her whole name right away? Like, "Wishing doesn’t make it so — Azra Jinn does. Turning sixteen opens the door to her ancestry..."ReplyDelete
Your first 250 reeled me in- love the voice, can relate to wanting to stay in bed and the bracelet appearing is fascinating. I would definitely keep reading!