Monday, December 17, 2012

Hangover Round 1 Entry #2

TITLE: Unwritten
GENRE: Contemporary Romance

When her estranged mother launches a smear campaign that threatens to unveil a tragic secret from her past, singer/songwriter Katherine Hayes finds unlikely refuge with college professor Josh Randall. Josh sees through her defenses to her battered heart, but is unwilling to take chances with his own. Now, Kate must overcome her traumatic past to repair her reputation and fight for her chance at love.

Finally. Kate hurried toward the door ahead. Scattered rays of sunlight filtered through its glazed window, accompanied by the faint chatter of the crowd gathered outside.

She squared her shoulders and smiled.

“We’re on our way.” Jenn’s voice echoed in the hallway behind her. “Yep, I’ll tell her.”

Kate glanced back at her assistant. “Tell me what?”

Jenn pocketed the phone and tucked a wisp of red hair behind her ear. “To head straight home. Harry’s waiting at the apartment.”

Kate’s brow furrowed. She didn’t have a meeting scheduled with her manager today.

Mick pushed the door open ahead of her, positioning his muscular body between Kate and the waiting fans as she stepped outside.

“There she is...Katherine Hayes! Katherine!” Squeals of excitement filled the air. Cameras flashed. Bodies surged toward her.

Kate turned toward the small crowd gathered by the rear doors of the studio on Sixty-Seventh Street where she’d just taped her appearance on Leilani Live. Her gaze settled on a girl in front with blonde pigtails and a purple jacket, bouncing in light-up sneakers as she waved and screamed Kate’s name.

Kate grinned and blew her a kiss.

Jenn rested a hand on her arm. “Wave and keep walking. Harry’s orders.”

Kate sucked in a breath and narrowed her eyes at Jenn. Her team had been acting strangely all morning, and now they wanted her to leave without greeting the fans? “Like hell.”

She headed straight for the girl with blonde pigtails.


  1. I like your opening page. There is quite a bit of characterization in the short scene and you got me curious about what will happen on page 2.

  2. Very well written. Intriguing. Can easily picture the scene and the characters without it feeling like too much information. The only thing I can say, and it's nitpicking is that in your logline, I didn't get that she was a celebrity, even though you mentioned she was a singer/songwriter. So I would just throw that in there "superstar singer/songwriter, or "popular singer/songwriter".
    Other than that, great job!

    Good luck!

  3. I agree with the others. I would absolutely read on. I also agree that the addition of "superstar" or "celebrity" would help the logline. I also think you could probably just call her a singer in the logline - "singer/songwriter" comes off as clunky to me.

    Good job.

  4. I like the concept of a hero and heroine who are from two completely different worlds (professor and a superstar). The opening did well bringing the characters to life for me. I'd definitely read on to find out what the big reason is for wanting to keep the heroine away from the public.