Hangover Round 1 Entry #6

TITLE: The Legacy of the Eye
GENRE: Science Fiction

On a school-planet supposed to value merit over birthright, the top graduate with a degree in Governance discovers that all headmasters came from the same lineage and that the girl he just kissed is next in line. A self-imposed exile could thwart his parents’ plan to marry him onto a throne that shouldn't exist--if he can evade the bait to bring him home.


"Cat, we're stepping into our future and you're not even paying attention."

Catrine’s hand halted, palm pressed against the cool surface of the heavy wood door. She raised her eyebrows at David and made no further motion to exit the main building of the Academy.

"Our future doesn't start for another couple of weeks," she said.

They were allowed to leave the school that day because the council had granted them an audience. Graduation was still two weeks away.

"You're wrong. This is it. Today we make history." David pushed the door open and the mid-afternoon light rushed into the hall.

She chuckled. "We should wait until the council approves the Tutor Program before we celebrate."

"Why would they reject it? You wrote a great proposal. The argumentation is flawless."

"Just because you couldn't find any faults, doesn't mean the council won't."

They walked toward the front gates of the Academy. The wooden bars stood wide open and seemed more decorative than a true barrier to their exit. Catrine’s eyes were still adjusting to the brightness, but they took in the novelty of her surroundings. This was the first time either student had left the school since their enrollment at the age of two. They were both eighteen now, but Catrine did not feel as ready to conquer the galaxy as David was. Her insides were twisted in knots. She had eaten hardly anything all day. But she would not let her nervousness show--not even to her best friend.

Hangover Round 1 Entry #5

Title: BECOMING JINN

Genre: YA Urban Fantasy

Wishing doesn’t make it so — Azra does. Turning sixteen opens the door to Azra’s Jinn ancestry. But when she skirts the rules, she is forced to choose between the safety of her family and the boy she loves. See, when genies are involved, there’s always a trick.

 

The barking dog ruins my plan. My plan to skip today by sleeping through it.

I search the foot of my bed for my comforter and burrow under the soft down, grateful for its instant warmth. My body craves heat. In all the ways I take after my mother, an intolerance for cold is the one that bothers me the least. 

I will myself to fall back to sleep. Even if I can’t sleep, I can still choose to skip today. The day doesn’t have to begin. All I have to do is stay in bed. All I have to do is not open my eyes. All I have to do is pretend. Fortunately, being skilled in pretending is another way in which I take after my mother.

The barking stops. I turn toward the open window and breathe in the lilacs blooming on the bush in our backyard. Along with the sweet fragrance comes the pollen. 

I sneeze. I cough. I open my eyes. And the day begins. My birthday begins.

I drink from the water glass on my nightstand until my throat is no longer dry. Clank! The noise as I settle the glass back down startles me. This is when I notice the silver bangle clamped around my wrist. And I thought I was the one in control of starting my day. I never had control. The bracelet assures that I never will.

This is how my life changes. While I am unconscious.

Though my Jinn ancestry means magic has always been inside me, the rules don’t allow me to begin drawing upon it until the day I turn sixteen. The day I receive my silver bangle. The day I officially become a genie. Today.

Hangover Round 1 Entry #4

Title:  ENTROPIA

Genre:  Comic Fantasy

A misanthropic stamp collector wins a tour of his own pariah nation, sponsored by an overly eager Tourist Board.  But when his foreign pen pal, welder Natalie, joins him, nothing goes as planned.

        “Geography,” Chase Windborn chose with a smug smile.  He had his opponent now.  No one could beat Chase at his own game.

        “Geography it is!” shouted the emcee.  “All right, Mr. Poncey.  For one thousand Entros and a chance to win the grand prize, locate your hometown on this map.”

        All the color drained from Mr. Poncey’s face.  Only moments before, Entros undreamed of had been within his easy reach.  Chase had lost ground in the People category.  The score was tied, and now this had to happen.  Mr. Poncey gulped and began to walk unsteadily toward the map.  All of Entropia was watching.  It would be small comfort to him to know that the rest of Entropia would be in his exact predicament had they been on the stage.

        He began to trace small, searching circles all over the map.  Nothing seemed familiar to him.

        “You have ten seconds left, Mr. Poncey.”

        Mr. Poncey wiped the sweat dripping from his forehead and blinked rapidly.  He started to make a tentative stab, but changed his mind halfway and landed on the biggest dot, Entropia’s capital.

        “Oh sorry, Mr. Poncey, Obsolescia isn’t where you’re from now is it?  It looks like it’s up to you, Mr. Windborn.  If you can point out your hometown on this map, you’ll win not only another one thousand Entros, but the grand prize.  Can you do it, Mr. Windborn?”

        Chase tried hard to look magnanimous, but a wild smirk burst across his face as he all but ran to the map and jabbed his finger on his hometown, Mt. Cyanide.

Hangover Round 1 Entry #3

TITLE: The Bridge Maker

GENRE: Fantasy

When Linh discovers that dark magicians from an ancient, parallel world named Lau Dai La are searching for a magic crossbow to conquer Earth, she must locate it before they do, or they will kill her family.

She slammed her textbook shut. Something stirred inside Linh, some strong desire to break out of her mundane life and escape somewhere. Somewhere like a mystical world she had read from her fairies’ books where she could play with elves, fairies, and other magical creatures and not think about school. What’s the point of doing homework at home just to forget everything a week later?

She threw her assignments into her schoolbag, pulled out her notebook and colored pencils, and opened to a page to finish her horse sketch. Below the drawing, she wrote, For Mom. This would make her mother happy. She heard soft footsteps approaching the study room.

“Do you need help with your homework, dear?” Linh’s mother’s voice came from behind her chair.

Linh hesitated. “Ummm.”

“Oh, that’s such a beautiful drawing! May I take it with me?”

Linh turned around and nodded. Her mother thanked and hugged her, a hug so soft and gentle it warmed her heart.

“Can I ride horses again?” Linh asked. “I want to go back to summer camp.”

Her mother’s mouth drew into a straight line. “Not this summer.”

 "Please, please Mom?” Linh’s throat constricted like a twisted chain. “I want to become an equestrian.”

Linh’s mom fell silent for several heartbeats and stroke Linh’s hair. “I’m happy that you love horses, but it’s not a proper job.”

“But I spoke to girls older than me who work with horses there.”

“You’re too young to work, dear. You need to concentrate on school and get good grades.”

Hangover Round 1 Entry #2

TITLE: Unwritten
GENRE: Contemporary Romance

When her estranged mother launches a smear campaign that threatens to unveil a tragic secret from her past, singer/songwriter Katherine Hayes finds unlikely refuge with college professor Josh Randall. Josh sees through her defenses to her battered heart, but is unwilling to take chances with his own. Now, Kate must overcome her traumatic past to repair her reputation and fight for her chance at love.


Finally. Kate hurried toward the door ahead. Scattered rays of sunlight filtered through its glazed window, accompanied by the faint chatter of the crowd gathered outside.

She squared her shoulders and smiled.

“We’re on our way.” Jenn’s voice echoed in the hallway behind her. “Yep, I’ll tell her.”

Kate glanced back at her assistant. “Tell me what?”

Jenn pocketed the phone and tucked a wisp of red hair behind her ear. “To head straight home. Harry’s waiting at the apartment.”

Kate’s brow furrowed. She didn’t have a meeting scheduled with her manager today.

Mick pushed the door open ahead of her, positioning his muscular body between Kate and the waiting fans as she stepped outside.

“There she is...Katherine Hayes! Katherine!” Squeals of excitement filled the air. Cameras flashed. Bodies surged toward her.

Kate turned toward the small crowd gathered by the rear doors of the studio on Sixty-Seventh Street where she’d just taped her appearance on Leilani Live. Her gaze settled on a girl in front with blonde pigtails and a purple jacket, bouncing in light-up sneakers as she waved and screamed Kate’s name.

Kate grinned and blew her a kiss.

Jenn rested a hand on her arm. “Wave and keep walking. Harry’s orders.”

Kate sucked in a breath and narrowed her eyes at Jenn. Her team had been acting strangely all morning, and now they wanted her to leave without greeting the fans? “Like hell.”

She headed straight for the girl with blonde pigtails.

Hangover Round 1 Entry #1

Title: Beyond The River
Genre: Literary Fiction

1999: Brad Lucas has just made a fortune selling the dot-com he started with his domineering business partner, Dean. As a parting gesture, despite their strained friendship, Dean invites Brad to go on a fly-fishing trip in the wilds of Northern California. When Dean’s elaborate Bigfoot prank turns tragic, Brad must not only save himself, but also decide if Dean is worth saving.

The narrow path led up and away from the rushing water to where the forest thwarted the sun and the river’s hiss diminished until it was no longer heard. Twigs snapped beneath Brad Lucas’ boots. He listened intently for crying birds, foraging squirrels, chirping tree frogs—any sign that everything was okay. As a boy, his father had told him, “When the woods go silent, a predator is on the prowl. Even if you can’t see it.”

Perhaps he was being paranoid. Then again, maybe he wasn’t. Brad parted his lips and whistled sharply.

A few feet ahead, Dean Romans stiffened with surprise and halted in the sun dappled shade. “What the hell was that for?”

“Bears. If they’re around, they’ll move on.”

“Please provide advance warning next time.” Frenzied gnats circled Dean’s head and he swatted at them.
 
Here it comes, Brad thought. He’s finally going to complain about how stupid it is to be out in the middle of nowhere.
 
Dean snatched a water bottle from his backpack, drank, and then grinned, his gleaming white teeth contrasting with his swollen black eye. Brad was tired of following Dean—he’d been doing it for too many years now. “How much farther?” he demanded.

“I must tell you,” Dean said, sauntering off. “I haven’t been totally up front with you about this trip.”

Of course, Brad thought. You’ve never been up front about anything. 

“What do you mean?”

Dean glanced back triumphantly. “Patience. It’s all part of the surprise.”

"The Hangover" Round 1 submission window now closed! Enter Round 2 NOW!

So with Round 1 filling up like a jug under a running tap (thanks!), and with over 300 people seeking an opportunity for critique on their Baker's Dozen 2012 entry, I've decided to open up another round of "The Hangover".  Why?  Because I love you guys so much and want nothing but success for all of you, just like the amazing Miss Authoress Anon.  

Here we go!

Please continue to send submissions to ktcritiques [AT] gmail.com.  Window closes at 10 PM EST on Saturday night, December 22.  I will post the second round of entries on Wednesday, December 26, at KTCROWLEY.COM for critiquing.

In the subject, please state “BD ENTRY 2".

Submit your logline and first 250 words just like when submitting to Miss Snark's First Victim.  Your submission should look like this:

TITLE: Your Title HereGENRE: Your Genre Here

(Logline and first 250 here).

A confirmation email will be sent, but it may not be right away. Only resend if you don't get one by the last hour of the submission window. Once I receive 50 entries, an email will be sent to notify you if you didn't make the cut, so get yours in quickly!  Round one filled up in just under 36 hours, so don't delay.  And again, if you enter, please critique five other entries, so that it's fair for everyone.  And please, feel free to stop by and offer your support and wonderful insight to those in Round 1 starting December 17.  

Keep rocking, you awesome bunch of writers.  Got questions?  Post them in the comments or shoot me an email.  I'll be checking both frequently.

P.S. If you're not a follower of my blog, I'd love it if you'd follow my journey and join the fun! There are several ways via the right-hand side of the screen. I try to offer open critique rounds monthly to help writers like you perfect your work. Our already amazing writing community only gets better when we help each other. :)

Attention Baker's Dozen Entrants!! "The Hangover" Critique Round 2012 Is Here!!

This month's critique round will be called "The Hangover".  This particular round is exclusively for those of you who entered Baker's Dozen 2012, but didn’t receive the response you’d hoped for or maybe don’t understand why yours wasn’t chosen.  The high of the auction is over, and now it's time to get back to work.  Here is your opportunity to see what might have gone wrong and to help others with the same.  I'll accept 50 Baker's Dozen 2012 full entries (logline and first page).  Hopefully, the feedback you'll receive here will give you what's needed to get your work chosen for the next contest or auction (Secret Agent is right around the corner!).

Please send submissions to ktcritiques [AT] gmail.com by 10 PM EST Saturday night, December 15.  I will post them Monday morning, December 17, at KTCROWLEY.COM for critiquing.

In the subject, please state “BD ENTRY”.

Submit your logline and first 250 words just like when submitting to Miss Snark's First Victim.  Your submission should look like this:

TITLE: Your Title Here
GENRE: Your Genre Here

(Logline and first 250 here).

A confirmation email will be sent, but it may not be right away. Only resend if you don't get one by the last hour of the submission window. Once I receive 50 entries, an email will be sent to notify you if you didn't make the cut, so get yours in quickly!

If you enter, please critique five other entries, so that it's fair for everyone.  And spread the word please; the more critiques, the merrier! Let's help everyone involved get as much feedback as possible.

Good luck, everyone! I'm looking forward to seeing more great writing and supportive critiques.  Got questions?  Post them in the comments or shoot me an email.

P.S. If you're not a follower of my blog, I'd love it if you'd follow my journey and join the fun! There are several ways via the right-hand side of the screen. I try to offer open critique rounds monthly to help writers like you perfect your work. Our already amazing writing community only gets better when we help each other. :)

Last Call Logline #16

TITLE: Apple Boxes
GENRE: MG Contemporary

What do you do when life hands you a bunch of apple boxes? You move.
Again. Jayden believes it will mean a long, lonely summer before
starting her third Jr. High.  But does it? Between the flasher, the
funeral, and Fishbait the cat, Jayden’s summer is anything but boring.
And starting a new school…well, that’s always exciting, isn’t it?

Last Call Logline #15

TITLE: Harold - The Kid Who Ruined My Life and Saved the Day
GENRE: MG, contemporary

Twelve-year-old Jake is D-O-N-E with Harold. Sure Harold’s a genius when it comes to baseball trivia and Algebra but he also has Asperger’s and a knack for ruining Jake’s social life. Jake will do anything to ditch Harold and the Titans, Jake’s second place baseball team since first grade, for a chance to play shortstop for the undefeated Comets.

Last Call Logline #14

Previous Post #41

Title: EISLEY

Genre: YA Sci-Fi

Seventeen-year-old Juliet Eisley is a genetically engineered loner without much hope – until she apprentices misanthropic medical genius Quinn Aldrick, whose life’s work could salvage thousands of engineered lives. But just as Aldrick’s dark and dangerous world starts to feel like home, Juliet discovers she may be the unwilling subject of her new mentor’s ultimate experiment.

Last Call Logline #13

Previous Post #9

TITLE: Faithless Rose
GENRE: YA Paranormal

 

Killed at the hands of King Henry VIII’s men and brought back to life as a succubus, seventeen-year-old Amelia Godwin cannot change her fate. She can however, change the fate of her kidnapped twin brother, if only she can find him. But, the threat of being hunted makes Amelia realize, in order to save her brother, she must first save herself.

Last Call Logline #12

Previous Post #19

TITLE: Imminent
GENRE: YA Paranormal Romance

When seventeen-year-old Alexa learns she generates the power needed to sustain a race, she finds herself locked in a battle over mankind between two paranormal species. With her side in the war predetermined by her love for a Sentinel, Alexa knows she alone can end the chaos, but it could change Alexa's life and humanity forever...or kill her.

Last Call Logline #11

Previous Post #15

TITLE: Jane, Body and Soul

GENRE: YA Light Sci Fi

When his first love is killed in a prom night accident, teen genius Daniel stuns the world by using radical new medical research to bring her back to life. Now Jane’s body is failing, doctors are baffled, and she’s more interested in her “near-death experiences” than in recovering. Daniel must find a way to save Jane or watch her die again.

Last Call Logline #10

Previous Post #51

TITLE: CALIFORNIA R.I.P.
GENRE: YA Contemporary

When her parents’ divorce uproots Huntington Beach native Dani to Sun Valley, Idaho, she isn’t stoked to trade in her surfboard for skis. But when a cute shredder named Cash gets her hooked on snowboarding, Dani must decide if she wants the future at USC she’d planned, or if her heart has found an unlikely home in the mountains, after all.

Last Call Logline #9

Previous Post #47

Title: FLUTTER

Genre: MG (magical realism)

 

Twelve-year-old Mandy finds an ancestor’s journal at Grandpa’s farmhouse, reads a flying spell… and grows strange, leathery wings! Flying is fantastic, but at school Mandy’s an outsider, too freaky. Her absentee mother shows up with Hollywood plans for her Winged Wonder Girl – but a glamorous life with the mother Mandy longed for means leaving loyal Grandpa and the two friends who stood by her – one is her crush, and he’s totally crushing back. 

Last Call Logline #8

Previous Post #38

Title: Anomaly

Genre: YA Fantasy

Fifteen-year-old Maya is the Yearbook Club nobody, the girl behind the camera capturing the lives of everyone cooler than her. After a genetic anomaly turns her into an unstable teleporter, she finally becomes the center of attention. But being the main focus exposes her to the horrors of near spontaneous combustion, juggling super human boys, and a web of lies. When a group of hell bent Anomalies poison Maya, nullifying her ability, she must rely on her camera and her wits to prevent them from starting an international crisis.

Last Call Logline #7

Previous Post #24

TITLE: Rachel On Fire

GENRE: YA Contemporary

Rachel must travel to a small university town with her older brother Alex, and live with their quirky Aunt Millie for the summer. Armed with her favorite book, her journal and a healthy supply of chocolate, she knows that the summer will be one of the worst yet. Until Tom sits beside her on the bus. Tom - a loner at her high school rumored to have killed his parents in a house fire. Tom - a janitor by day, murderer by night. But those blue eyes. Those full lips. Are they really the makings of a cold-blooded killer? A kiss proves to Rachel that there is much more to Tom than anyone knows. Her body is drawn to him as much as her mind. Turns out, he's going to the same town she is. The truths that Rachel will uncover and embrace as she moves through a fiery series of firsts – first kiss, first make-out, first sex - with Tom exemplify her courageous fall into love.

Last Call Logline #6

Previous Post #45

TITLE: Cassandra of the Crescent Moon
GENRE: MG Fantasy

When her grandmother is betrayed by a fellow witch and kidnapped by magic-hating vigilantes, twelve-year-old Cassie's only hope is a handful of witches sworn never to use their powers against others. Cassie must convince them to help find the traitor and stand up to the enemy – with or without magic – in order to rescue the only family she has left.

Last Call Logline #5

Previous Post #20

Title: Codename Eagle Chick
Genre: YA Spy Thriller

When a Secret Service agent tracks down the president’s missing son, he finds him in hiding with a battered CIA recruit, an overly-suave CIA operative, and a lesbian, Irish coffee-loving tech guru who’s their only connection with the enigmatic intelligence powerhouse named Luthor. Together, they have to find “the faction” that wants the president’s son dead and stop their plan to profit from a potential world war with the U.S. and China at its center.

Last Call Logline #4

Previous Post #28

TITLE: Dreamcatcher
GENRE: YA Speculative

When sixteen-year-old Lauren discovers she’s in a coma-induced, utopian dream world, she thinks it’s her lucky break. However, when she learns her real-life family is crumbling without her, her dream quickly becomes a nightmare. While she sleeps, her subconscious rules, and it will do anything to keep her from waking—even if it means driving Lauren insane.

Last Call Logline #3

Previous Post #21

TITLE: WISHLOCK

GENRE: MG Fantasy 

When eleven-year-old Timothy handles an object concealing dark magic there are unwanted aftereffects: grey fur and a ferocious appetite for cheese. A manuscript housed in a library offers hope of reversing his new mouse-like qualities, but he will need to use all his smarts to retrieve it as the lock on the door is forged from unbreakable magic.

Last Call Logline #2

Round 3 Original Post #32

Title: The Ones

Genre: YA Sci-Fi

It's not just the class bad boy's deep, sensitive eyes making Mina so obsessed: They're numerological soulmates, powerful 'double elevens.' When their Physics professor harnesses their energy to open doors between eleven parallel universes, the pair is torn from this world. Now, they must find their way home—in spite of the holes that keep ripping between dimensions each time they kiss. 

Last Call Logline #1

Round 2 Original Post #28

Title: THE LIFE AND TROUBLES OF A TOP-SECRET TEENAGE ASSASSIN
Genre: YA Thriller

When 17-year-old Mikaela infiltrates her parents’ assassin organization to save her boyfriend from becoming a target, she risks turning into a fulltime killer like her mom and dad after being forced to kill in the name of justice.

Last Call Logline Critique Round Submission Info

Last call, writers! There was enough interest, so here we go. Come get one more, FINAL look at your logline before Baker's Dozen submissions are due next week.

Please send submissions to ktcritiques [AT] gmail.com by 10 PM EDT Wednesday night, October 31. I will post them Thursday, November 1 at KTCROWLEY.COM for critiquing. I'll accept up to 30 entries.

In the subject, please state “BD LOGLINE” (and your original post number from past rounds here, if this is a revision).

Submit your logline just like when submitting to Miss Snark's First Victim. Your submission should look like this:

TITLE: Your Title Here
GENRE: Your Genre Here

(Logline here.)

A confirmation email will be sent, but it may not be right away. Only resend if you don't get one by the last hour of the submission window. Once I receive 30 entries, an email will be sent to notify you if you didn't make the cut, so get those loglines in quickly!

If you enter, please critique five other entries, so that it's fair for everyone (it's also a great learning opportunity to polish your critiquing skills before the big event). And spread the word please; the more critiques, the merrier! Let's help everyone involved get as much feedback as possible.

Good luck, everyone! Can't wait to read some more fantastic loglines.

P.S. If you're not a follower of my blog, I'd love it if you'd follow my journey and join the fun! There are several ways via the right-hand side of the screen. I try to offer open critique rounds monthly to help writers like you perfect your work. Our already amazing writing community only gets better when we help each other. :)

One More Last Call, Anybody??

So these two rounds for Baker's Dozen loglines were incredibly successful, and I thank all of you for that. With each other's help and support, the sky is the limit. We're lucky to be in such an amazing community of people.

Now, I know this week is the official submission window for the Adult genres for Baker's Dozen and it's probably too late for them, but the YA/MG crowd still has another week to go. If anyone who participated in the "One Last Chance" critique round with a YA/MG entry is interested in another critique round for their revisions, let me know in the comments. If at least 10 people are interested by Monday evening, then I will host another round this week. So get commenting!! I'd be willing to host another 25-30 entries.

Continue to rock on, writers!! I'm super impressed with everything I've seen thus far.

BD One Last Chance Logline #60

Title: Breeding Grounds

Genre: Literary Fiction

No one is all that surprised when a local fisherman’s wife ends up dead in a rock pile down at the Sand & Gravel. As an abused housewife, a beer-swilling old lesbian, a sexy young fisherman, a lonely barmaid and a meek new cop recount their lives, they reveal how doing what’s right is sometimes a luxury many can’t afford.