Genre: YA Fantasy
Fifteen-year-old Maya is the Yearbook Club nobody, the girl behind the camera capturing the lives of everyone cooler than her. After a genetic anomaly turns her into an unstable teleporter, she finally becomes the center of attention. But being the main focus exposes her to the horrors of near spontaneous combustion, juggling super human boys, and a web of lies. When a group of hell bent Anomalies poison Maya, nullifying her ability, she must rely on her camera and her wits to prevent them from starting an international crisis.
Looks pretty good. Juggling superhuman boys could maybe be tweaked, though... I'm not 100% sure what you're telling me with that.ReplyDelete
This is a bit on the long side--try narrowing it down to 60 words. Great voice, though!ReplyDelete
Agreed with Julia - for the BD contest, the logline is supposed to be 60 words or less - remember your total entry is like 310 words, and I do think it will cut you off!ReplyDelete
That being said, I think you could cut things and keep the gist of what you want to say: "Fifteen year old Maya is the Yearbook Club nobody until a genetic anomaly turns her into an unstable teleporter. But being the center of attention isn't all it's cracked up to be - especially when a group of hell bent Anomalies poison her when she interferes with their plan to ____fill in the blank ___" (I think "international crisis" is too vague).
Hope that helps!
Yikes! I've been writing so many different log lines for different things that I forgot BD was only 60 words! How about this:ReplyDelete
A genetic anomaly changes fifteen-year-old Maya from nerdy photographer to cool teleporter. She uses her secret ability to juggle boys, but exposes herself to tangled lies and jealousy that strips her ability to teleport. In the end Maya must use her camera and her wits to figure out who to trust and how to stop an international crisis.
I love the first line, and the last line also works for me. 'She uses her secret ability to juggle boys, but exposes herself to tangled lies...' - this middle sentence trips me up a bit. How does she expose herself to the lies? Anyway, seems like you're close. Sounds like a great story. Best of luck!ReplyDelete
Sounds like a fun read! The first line of your revision is strong, and I like the last line, too, but I'm not sure how the camera fits in, though. Is it a supernatural camera? Maybe cut that or reword it. I also don't know how juggling boys fits into an international crisis, or how lies and jealousy strip her of her ability. maybe say juggling popularity instead? I like Kate's rewrite, especially the line about being the center of attention. I really like the idea and your revision. Almost there!ReplyDelete
Great job and good luck!
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Hmmm...this is tough, because I think my rewrites are missing the mark. I like Kate's suggestion too, but it doesn't emphasize Maya as the "girl behind the camera." So how abou this (I know it's 71 words..but...I'm having trouble trimming). What do you guys think?ReplyDelete
Fifteen-year-old Maya is the Yearbook Club nobody, the girl behind the camera documenting the lives of everyone cooler than her. A genetic anomaly turns her into an unstable teleporter and she’s finally the focus of attention. When a series of bad decisions leave her friendless, boy-less, and strips her new-found ability, Maya must rely on her camera and her wits to prevent an international crisis at the G8 Summit in London.