Thursday, November 1, 2012

Last Call Logline #14

Previous Post #41

Genre: YA Sci-Fi

Seventeen-year-old Juliet Eisley is a genetically engineered loner without much hope – until she apprentices misanthropic medical genius Quinn Aldrick, whose life’s work could salvage thousands of engineered lives. But just as Aldrick’s dark and dangerous world starts to feel like home, Juliet discovers she may be the unwilling subject of her new mentor’s ultimate experiment.


  1. I like this one. It sets out the stakes and definitely piques my interest.

  2. I'm not feelin the title. The only reason I'm picking on it is that an agent recently told me that my title needed to be more commercial, catchy. I think yours might benefit from something different, too. Make it stand out.

    Also, I really like the premise of this, but since there is so much competition in YA, I think you need to make the stakes clearer and more dramatic. Why is it bad for Juliet to be the subject of her mentor's experiment. You told us that his work is saving lives. So, how is it bad for her to be involved. I'm sure in your novel, the dangers are clear, but make them clear here.

    Sounds like an interesting novel. Good luck with BD!

  3. I like this too! Very appealing.
    One tiny nitpick is that it sounds a little funny IMO to have "life's work" and "lives" in the same sentence. Could you just have "whose work" or "whose research" instead?
    I think this works great though. Well done!

  4. Love this! It's tight and intriguing. Good luck!

  5. No comments on the logline itself--it's nice and tight and I love the premise. Kind of a Cinder meets mad scientist.
    Do agree w/ the above title comment--but those always get changed by publishing houses, anyway.

  6. The only critique I have is maybe your overuse of adjectives. For example, instead of saying 'dark and dangerous world', I think it'll be just as effective if you just say 'dangerous world' and leave out the dark. And you can probably delete 'ultimate' in the last sentence.