TITLE: Jane, Body and Soul
GENRE: YA Light Sci Fi
When his first love is killed in a prom night accident, teen genius Daniel stuns the world by using radical new medical research to bring her back to life. Now Jane’s body is failing, doctors are baffled, and she’s more interested in her “near-death experiences” than in recovering. Daniel must find a way to save Jane or watch her die again.
Whoah. This is very interesting and different. I'm intrigued! Not clear if Jane's near death experiences are for the adrenaline rush, though (I think they are...?). Might want to tweak that slightly so we know what it is about her near death experiences that are so distracting/enthralling for her.ReplyDelete
Very intriguing! As robyn said, maybe a more clear statement of why her near death experience is better than life. You might want to go with "experience," singular, unless you explain why it's plural. Also, an em dash and "a second time" (vs. "again") would add emphasis:ReplyDelete
Daniel must find a way to save Jane -- or watch her die a second time.
Ditto the others. This looks so interesting. Good luck!ReplyDelete
Wow. This is quite unique. I really don't have any suggestions for improvement. Best of luck!ReplyDelete
Not much to add - very cool premise - It's a little tough suspending belief enough to buy the premise that a high school student is the one with the means to bring her back to life BUT I am sure that is wholly justified in the manuscript itself. Other than that, I like it as is!ReplyDelete
This one is mine.ReplyDelete
Thanks to everyone for the encouragement and suggestions!
I'm a little stumped as to how I might clarify what Jane is getting from her near-death experiences, or why she has more than one. Both are things the MC, Daniel, doesn't really figure out or understand until the very end. Hmmmmm ...
Any other comments/suggestions welcome!
"She's more interested in her near-death experiences..." Maybe rather than clarifying what's she's getting out them you could just give more of a hint of how it looks to an outsider i.e. is she consumed by memories? reliving her experience in some way? etc. Don't know if this helps but it sounds like a great story - very intriguing. Best of luck!ReplyDelete
I would totally read this! I agree with everyone, and I like Yvonne's suggestion of being consumed by the memories.ReplyDelete
Great job and good luck!
Sgf, I love the idea of a love that's strong enough to bring someone back to life...however, I'm feeling like Daniel's love for Jane is a bit unrequited. If he brought her back and all she wants to do is keep experiencing these 'near death' errr..experiences, I may find it hard to care for her. Is this a love story? Great conflict at the beginning (death at prom), great tension and continued conflict following (back to life/near death experiences), but I wonder about the end and how exactly he'd save her again...or even if he'd want to?ReplyDelete
I really like your logline. I think you have enough info here to make me want to open this book, and have left me with just enough questions to want to read the book to find out how this all works... I think you are on the right track!ReplyDelete