Friday, January 20, 2012

January Test Run #7

TITLE: Running From Shadows
GENRE: YA paranormal romance

Something lurked in the shadows. It watched us. My gaze fixed on the
giant oaks of the Red Forest. I waited, frozen mid-step, wanting what
I couldn’t see. Drawn to it.

Suddenly Haven slammed into my back. “Greta, seriously? Don’t just
stop like that.

Damn.” My pink-haired friend stomped in front of me. “Maybe I should
take the lead.”

“Whatever, girl.” I risked a quick glance past Haven toward the
shadowy figure. Gone.

“What are you looking at?” She followed my gaze.

“Ooo, I hope it’s something witchy and dangerous.” Jill’s blonde hair
swished over her shoulders as her head bobbed up and down. She’d been
ecstatic to perform a spell with us.

“It was probably just a deer. Come on.” I gave Haven the let’s-move
look and marched past both of them.

Haven raced up to my right side. “G, you realize we’re gonna hike out
of the woods in the dark, right?”

“It’s okay. The spell has to be done at sunset.” Jill chimed in,
practically bouncing up and down on my left.

“How does she know that and I don’t?” Haven stopped walking. “She’s
not even a witch.”

Jill didn’t say anything, but I could almost feel her mood dampen from
the comment. I stopped and spun around to face Haven. “Look, I tried
calling you last night if you remember correctly. But, you were busy.
A date or something. So Jill and I talked.” Of course, I hadn’t told
Jill the reason why I wanted to do the spell.


  1. Ok, three girls out to do a spell in the woods...I'm interested. The second and third paragraphs seem like they might do better as one, just a thought.

    You say she can't see what's watching her and then mention a shadowy figure which might need editing.

    The "Whatever, girl" and using "G" for Greta's name give it a non fantasy feel to me. But perhaps i'm a purist.

    The intro of Jill needs a little work. I had to stop and think about it.

    Otherwise, it's good. I'd read on.

  2. I like this, especially the last line. I think editors would balk a little at the passive voice in the opening paragraph - 'my gaze fixed' instead of 'I fixed my gaze'. I agree that G sounded a bit strange, and I thought it meant
    'gee', but overall I would definitely read on.

  3. I agree with Rowan on the mentioning that Greta can't see what's watching her but yet she looks over Haven shoulder to the shadowy figure. I like the opening sentence but something like this instead...

    “Perhaps you should," I murmured glancing over Haven's shoulder towards the woods beyond. Whatever was there moments ago was gone now.

    Overall, I liked this and would read further to see what would happen.

  4. Hey K.T.,

    I was instantly intrigued by her watching the shadowy figure and wanted to know more. Although, I would make it a bit more clear what's going on, and what she's looking at.

    I was also a bit confused by the fact that she couldn't see what she was looking for, but then she sees a shadowy figure. Perhaps, something like "She could just make out his/her/its shadowy form int the distance..."

    I don't mind the use of "G" --it feels modern and urban.

    I agree that the intro of Jill needs a little work. She seems to pop out of nowhere.

    I'd totally read on though.

    Good job!