Thursday, January 12, 2012

January Logline #4

TITLE: A World Mad as Bedlam
GENRE:  Literary Fiction

When a statistical improbability occurs, a fatal plane crash in the African content with wreckage that yields polio vaccines in an area desperately in need of it; The narrator, an omni present guide, focuses your attention on the highly improbable and unrealistic elements that came to be. Right as you are about to proclaim it a miracle your shown the events that all led up to such divine luck and have to wonder if the illusion of a miracle is better than the truth of luck.

3 comments:

  1. Sounds really cool! I don't read much literary fiction (so not sure if this should/shouldn't be there), but as a suggestion maybe take the "you/your" out to focus more on the story. Totally like the hook line "truth of luck." Good job!

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  2. Interesting idea and unusual setting, however if you want an agent's attention you need conflict and a sense of an interesting voice or character. Careful of grammatical errors like your instead of you're and a capital letter after a semi-colon, and of calling your own plot 'improbable and unrealistic'. Maybe: A fatal plane crash in the African continent yields polio vaccines in an area they are most needed, and (some incredible plot elements occur). It seems like a miracle is occurred, until (revealing event) makes (the main character/narrator) wonder if the illusion... etc. Intriguing last thoughts.

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  3. I like the premise; coincidence verses divine planning is an intriguing concept. But I was not moved by reading the logline. There was no persona to grab me and draw me in. If your omni narrator is the main character, perhaps tell the situation from his/her/it's eyes.

    This sentence needs some grammatical tweaking as well: "When a statistical improbability occurs, a fatal plane crash in the African content with wreckage that yields polio vaccines in an area desperately in need of it; The narrator, an omni present guide, focuses your attention on the highly improbable and unrealistic elements that came to be."

    It might be better to split it into two sentences to make it clearer. When a statistical improbability occurs, a fatal plane crash on the African continent, the wreckage drops polio vaccines to an area in desperate need of it. Narrator shows you the highly improbable and unrealistic elements that came to be.

    Intriguing, I'd love to see the rewrite.

    Overall, I think the concept could be tremendously awesome and I think giving us a view into the narrator's perspective might help draw us in.

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