Thursday, July 26, 2012

July Anything #2

GENRE:   Paranormal Fantasy (w/romance elements) First Page

It was crazy.  Ludicrous almost, but Arianh knew she’d been here before.  The woods were ripe with musical magic: the birds were chirping louder, the crickets keeping a steady rhythm, soft winds blew through the forest fauna creating rustling sounds.  Energy abounded in these woods.  If you stopped and listened, buried underneath all the woodland sounds, you could hear it; a soft hum. That was the energy of the land.  This is what had called out to her in the pre-dawn hour.

Had it not been for the pesky raven and its interminable caw, Arianh wouldn’t even have found the correct spot.  But she had and it was just like in her dream.  Although in that vision she was younger, had red hair, and strode through these woods with purpose.  The girl in the dream knew where to go and what she was about to do.

Arianh searched the small clearing but in the dim morning light she couldn’t find what it was the young girl had placed her hands on.  All she saw was overgrown brush and cascades of morning glories, jasmine, and trumpet vines.  The smell of heady woods and sweet floral was intoxicating but Arianh was quite sure this was not what she was brought here for. 

A stream of early light slashed its way through the trees, illuminating a slivered portion of the wooded area in a soft glow.  Before taking another step Arianh heard a buzzing sound near her ears and stood quite still.  Hummingbirds – three of them.  They darted around her in playful ease.


  1. I like your opening. Your writing is solid. I'd suggest keeping some of it more active. Instead of 'the birds were chirping louder, the crickets keeping a steady rhythm, soft winds blew through the forest fauna creating rustling sounds', could you do 'the birds chirped louder, the crickets kept a steady rhythm, soft winds rustled through the forest fauna'? 'That was the energy of the land' sort of cuts the paragraph off. Maybe you could replace it with a more descriptive sentence that is the same length.
    It's a very descriptive opening page and keeps me waiting for the moment the action starts and motivations appear.

    Good job!

  2. Lovely, I held my breath, waiting for what was about to happen. I love your first page, it drew me in, and I totally enjoyed the scene. You have a way with description. I do agree with Miller about making the sentences more active.

    You might also think about dropping a few phrases like(All she saw) and (Before taking another step)which only slow the pacing.

    Goodluck with this.

  3. I agree with both the comments above. It's a very lovely image you paint. I just wish it was a little quicker to the point, but that could be because I really want to know what's going to happen next, almost impatiently lol.

    Maybe shorten it just a bit and keep it more active, so that all the descriptive stuff doesn't slow the pace the further a reader gets.

    Good job!!