tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post5987034755827831431..comments2023-04-23T16:33:39.062-04:00Comments on K.T. Crowley: March 2012 Test Run #7K.T. Crowleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08211266985396588133noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-6455999507835115022012-03-31T18:33:58.465-04:002012-03-31T18:33:58.465-04:00I really liked this a lot. I agree that the descr...I really liked this a lot. I agree that the description of the flute could be distilled down to be more powerful. Hints of magic are great. <br /><br />I don't like time stream breaks on the first page, just a personal thing but I do like how both of those sections start out. They both drew me in which is good. I want to know more about the characters and whats going on. Nicely done.Stacy Bennetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13725893049379422490noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-17688064752066706342012-03-31T10:02:05.652-04:002012-03-31T10:02:05.652-04:00It might be more subtle and still have emphasis if...It might be more subtle and still have emphasis if you delete "A wooden flute." You describe it in detail in the very next paragraph. Also, "except" sounds smoother than "other than the fact that." This is how it would read: <br /><br />An objecte(d) nestled on silk cloth laid in the box. It was a flute. (Or consolidate to one strong sentence, like Julie suggested.)<br /> <br />The design appeared to be the same as a regular metal flute—except where it was supposed to be metal, there was<br />oak-like wood. Polished. Dark. It looked so smooth and inviting.<br /><br />Compelling and evocative -- great start!Sarah Floydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11202671048418865629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-60215674839901728312012-03-30T18:57:04.142-04:002012-03-30T18:57:04.142-04:00Excellent! The only sentence that struck me as a t...Excellent! The only sentence that struck me as a tad awkward was "it stood huge enough to where..." If you reword that a little, you're good as gold!Lisa Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08117166206083692659noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-6560446985284592292012-03-30T10:28:47.837-04:002012-03-30T10:28:47.837-04:00Interesting premise.
If I were you, I'd comb...Interesting premise. <br /><br />If I were you, I'd comb through and remove the extraneous words.<br /><br />A red leather box grabbed her attention.<br /> <br />Stella ran her finger across the top, faded from being next to the<br />only window in the attic. She touched the copper latch. It popped<br />open, and she pushed the lid up.<br /> <br />Inside a flute nestled in a silk cloth. <br /> <br />It looked just like a regular flute except it was made of wood. <br /><br />Good luck with your writing!Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18079948143852224097noreply@blogger.com