tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post5008511388681973497..comments2023-04-23T16:33:39.062-04:00Comments on K.T. Crowley: BD One Last Chance Logline #59K.T. Crowleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08211266985396588133noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-34751025039895260662012-10-28T21:57:18.128-04:002012-10-28T21:57:18.128-04:00I remember really liking this somewhere else. and ...I remember really liking this somewhere else. and I think the revision sounds great! I'd love to read this.K. L. Hallamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05672153195378644215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-45770684765997463992012-10-28T13:28:14.516-04:002012-10-28T13:28:14.516-04:00Love it with the revision!Love it with the revision!Juliahttp://www.juliathewritergirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-30308587078578874162012-10-27T21:28:39.906-04:002012-10-27T21:28:39.906-04:00The revision is perfect - very clear and catchy. S...The revision is perfect - very clear and catchy. Sounds like a great story! yvonnecnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-67420905485475562982012-10-27T16:49:13.230-04:002012-10-27T16:49:13.230-04:00Much better, Em! Only it should be "search&qu...Much better, Em! Only it should be "search" instead of "searches". FUN story!!!DJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14359760998871484565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-55977625890422057832012-10-27T16:29:31.921-04:002012-10-27T16:29:31.921-04:00Thanks for your feedback, everyone. Do you like th...Thanks for your feedback, everyone. Do you like this better? It gives their names and the MC's age:<br /><br />Twelve-year-old Maggie McCoy, with her fearless cousin Jake and quirky Grandpa Jim, searches for Butch Cassidy's gold to save a camp for troubled youth. Racing across Utah in a beat-up Winnebago, they must outsmart dangerous thieves to find the treasure first. Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12668397125356949829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-71363623609013228072012-10-27T16:21:01.105-04:002012-10-27T16:21:01.105-04:00This is nice and succinct--I really like how you w...This is nice and succinct--I really like how you were able to incorporate both the stakes (ranch for troubled youth) and the conflict (thieves) in just a couple of short sentences. Nice work!Jill Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05173785684131445232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-57640060426360554642012-10-27T15:25:42.224-04:002012-10-27T15:25:42.224-04:00I really like the premise of this and I've see...I really like the premise of this and I've seen it before. I'd like to see their names (I know you've gotten feedback before to drop them) and ages. Giving their names tells us that one's a boy and one's a girl. The rest is perfect.<br /><br />Good luck!Dana Ehttp://momslifeponderings.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-50726384566525657462012-10-27T13:33:09.051-04:002012-10-27T13:33:09.051-04:00Sounds like a fun adventure story. My only suggest...Sounds like a fun adventure story. My only suggestions would be to see if you could incorporate the ages. I'd also replace the word "with" with "and".<br /><br />Two twelve year-old cousins and their quirky Grandpa Jim...<br /><br />Good luck!Carmenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01502915116446772081noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-97595383844824182012-10-27T08:28:04.879-04:002012-10-27T08:28:04.879-04:00How old are the two cousins?How old are the two cousins?Manju Howardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18043840425498808764noreply@blogger.com