tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post4589776373090084386..comments2023-04-23T16:33:39.062-04:00Comments on K.T. Crowley: Hangover Round 1 Entry #26K.T. Crowleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08211266985396588133noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-67324495389299579172012-12-18T15:36:34.374-05:002012-12-18T15:36:34.374-05:00I really like the descriptions you use and I agree...I really like the descriptions you use and I agree with the other posters about the delightful creepiness. My one nitpick would be that I got confused when the coffin opened. I had to go back and read it again. I feel like if you were really trapped in a coffin and the top suddenly opened and you felt a cool breeze, you'd jump the heck outta there, not stop and wait around. She was clawing so desperately, wouldn't her hands keep moving out in the open air? I guess what I'd like is for the moment the coffin opens to be more significant. <br />Great job!yellow post-itnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-19946578276296808952012-12-18T13:54:03.312-05:002012-12-18T13:54:03.312-05:00I'm with A Little Push about being confused ab...I'm with A Little Push about being confused about whether she's dead or buried alive--if you could make that more obvious, it would be great. You've also got some formatting issues going on, so I'd look into that. Example: <br /><br />"I kick out my legs, wincing with pain when they strike the solid walls of the coffin. The touch of the cool fabric that covers my bare skin sending me even further into a blind panic."<br /><br />The second sentence is just a continuation of the first, because of the "sending," so I'd separate them with a comma instead of a period; having it the way you do made me stumble. <br /><br />But anyway, this is really creepy and suspenseful, and the premise sounds super intriguing. Good luck!Juliahttp://www.juliathewritergirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-83247987977392953072012-12-18T09:43:06.247-05:002012-12-18T09:43:06.247-05:00I'm a little confused, is she dead, or is she ...I'm a little confused, is she dead, or is she buried alive? I thought the first page was a little bit overwritten. Too many references to her heartbeat, and things happening "suddenly" and "silently." I think if you toned it down a little it would be more suspenseful. Good luck!A Little Pushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08081183739979996879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1940209088259004106.post-27654464718809183442012-12-17T17:10:10.694-05:002012-12-17T17:10:10.694-05:00Huh. I almost kept going because I wasn't sure...Huh. I almost kept going because I wasn't sure if this might be a bit too religious for my tastes (subjective). But then for some reason I read your page. <br /><br />It's really creepy, it is. I love it when I'm reading a scene and what happens surprises me. Buried alive in a coffin would not have kept me reading, but a scary creature above her grave caught me off guard and that's one of my favorite things. You got me with the page, I'd for sure keep reading.Marie Langagerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04149256009620791970noreply@blogger.com